by Nayt on Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:15 am
She was really, genuinely hoping that Eld was going to suggest they keep all that a secret. Ugh. Well, whatever. If he wanted to open up that can of worms, then by all means. Etsu wasn't going to stop him. It wasn't like she had to deal with it, right?
Nearly an hour of silence passed between them, every minutes of which resembling the process of waiting for the world’s end. It was the first time Etsu and Akizetsumei of Terra had been alone together since Akizets learned of Etsu and Eld’s “night out.” And yet, Akizetsumei was not too terribly angry. She’d already talked with Eld about it. She was fully versed on what happened, and she knew that Eld was sorry—and she’d forgiven him readily. She knew how she felt about Eld and she knew she didn’t want to be apart from him.
She hadn’t even considered breaking up with him. In fact, she didn’t feel any less determined to give him a particularly important gift . . .
No, Akizets wasn’t angry with anyone. She was merely confused by the whole situation. Why had it happened? Eld said it had nothing to do with her and that she shouldn’t blame herself, but that didn’t stop Akizets from drawing the connections.
And so the silence persisted. She came to confront Etsu, but lost her courage the second Etsu let her into her room. They’d taken to sitting far apart on Etsu’s bed (because it was the only place to sit), and their voices failed to rise from their throats.
Finally, though, Etsu broke the silence. “I am sorry,” she said with a tone no louder than a whisper.
“S—“ Akizets felt the small urge to snap a little, “Sorry?”
Etsu felt intensely awkward. “. . . hai.”
“Just . . . sorry?”
Etsu didn’t respond. She couldn’t. She had no idea what to say, and she didn’t exactly want to upset this girl.
“Y-you’re not even gonna tell me why?” Akizets turned to face Etsu at long last.
“. . . why?” Etsu wrinkled her brow.
“Why it happened!” Akizets exclaimed meekly.
Etsu bit her lower lip. She felt even more awkward than ever before. Now because she didn’t want to answer Akizetsumei. She didn’t want to tell her the truth.
Needless to say, Akizets was a bit frustrated by this. “W-was it ‘cause I’m too afraid? ‘C-‘cause I don’t do those things with Eld? ‘C-‘cause I can! I can do everything you did and I can stop being scared of it!”
The . . . implication . . . it cut Etsu deeper than she’d ever wanted to admit. She felt a flash of anger . . .
“What is that to mean?” she asked lowly.
Akizetsumei’s breath caught when she saw Etsu staring back at her. Glaring back at her.
“Things wour-rd happen because I wour-rd do them?” Etsu said, the rage in her voice evident, “So it is ar-rr my faur-rt be-cause I am r-roose woman?”
Akizets backed away—scooted away, rather—as Etsu clared at her with an anger that only Eld ever experience before. She felt a moment flash of fear, one for her own safety.
“N-no!” Akizets exclaimed frightfully, “Th-that’s not what I meant at all!”
Etsu promptly stood from her bed. She marched around the side until she stood before Akizetsumei, until she cut off all exits.
“Then what?” Etsu asked lowly, “What did you mean?”
Akizets tried to back away, but she was sitting. She had nowhere to go but on her back.
“Th-that—“ Akizets stammered, “Eldridge m-might’ve b-been, um, f-frustrated, a-and—“
“And I, as r-roose woman, was there to take care of that?” Etsu snapped.
The youngest daughter of Terra was left speechless. She’d been trying to avoid it, trying to think of things in a more positive light—but in the end, Etsu was right. In the end, Akizets kind of thought she was a little slutty for having foolded around with Akizetsumei’s boyfriend.
“M. . .” Akizets whispered, “Mayb—“
She couldn’t get all of it out, as the slap that interrupted her could be heard from rooms away. One fell swoops threw Akizets to her side, left clutching her face in pain. She’d never been slapped before. She’d never even been hit before. It was so different from being thrown from a horse, less of a pain in the body and more of a pain in the heart.
Akizetsumei of Terra suddenly wanted to cry.
“I-I-I . . .” she whimpered, “I’m s-sorry . . .”
Etsu’s rage hadn’t settled, though. She didn’t feel done here. She wanted to rip this girl’s world to pieces. She merely lacked the material . . .
“I-I didn’t-- I didn’t want this, honest!” Akizets sniffled, “I di—didn’t want t-t hurt you o-or make you mad o-or . . .”
“Then what did you want?” Etsu practically growled.
“I-I just—“ she whimpered, “I-“
Still laid out on her side, Akizets felt utterly pathetic. Hopeless. She’d lost her steam, lost all the will to stand up and confront Etsu ever again. She was beaten into submission by the girl and was afraid to sit up. Afraid to get hit again.
“I-I wanted t-to know why i-it h-happened, th-tha—“
There was more to that, but Akizets lacked the strength to muster it. And now, Etsu could tell. She could see how fragile this girl was and she knew exactly how to break her. Eld and Etsu’s relationship was special. The fact of the matter was that they were simply good together. They complemented each other perfectly, and as lovers, everything felt completely natural. They were meant to be together. That’s why things happened between them.
Akizets bunched up; she brought her knees to her chest and laid flat on her side, curled up like a scared child. It was only then that Etsu saw the futility of her rage.
“I-I-“ Akizets whimpered, now on the precipice of tears, “I don’t wanna lose him. I-I love him. I really really do . . .”
More and more, the fires in Etsu’s heart quelled. She became aware of herself. Aware of what she was doing. It was like she had a wounded kitten in her arms, hurt and afraid and searching for something, some kind of future, and she was poised and ready to break this kitten’s neck. Etsu frowned at herself.
“I-I w-wanna kn-know—wh- what I- what I gotta do to k-keep him . . .”
Etsu slumped down, gradually lowered herself to the floor and mentally barraged herself for what she’d almost done. She shook her head. She couldn’t tell this girl the truth. She couldn’t break her world down.
“Akizetsumei-chan,” Etsu took in a deep breath and sighed, “You are right. It is because I am r-roose woman . . .”
That was the last thing Akizets had expected to hear. She poked her head up slowly, cautiously, afraid it was all a trap. But what she saw was the dark haired girl slumped down, sulking her head and shoulders.
“I am sorry,” Etsu said again.
Akizets sat up. She felt a little bit of courage returning to her. Her face still stung, though, and with her heart returning, she was reminded of how much that hurt. What was a lot! Etsu was super strong!
“Th-then why did y-you hit me . . .?” Akizets asked, wholly unable to mask how dejected she felt.
“Be-cause,” Etsu sighed again, “I am not used to this . . .”
“Oh . . .” Akizets trailed off. So, Etsu over-reacted out of a total lack of experience? That made sense enough to her.
“W-well,” She rubbed her cheek, “I—it’s okay, j-just—please, um, don’t do that? ‘Cause that really hurt!”
Etsu nodded slightly. “I wir-rr try.”
"Eld, I swear if you don't sit and stop pacin', I'm gonna hog tie your ass an' leave you all night."
They were in Sarah's room. The door was shut. It was night. And Eld was nervous as all holy hell. With good reason, of course. Hi girlfriend had just gone off to confront a girl with a history of random acts of bitchery, and Sarah had taken him away to keep him from interfering.
Also, she had once before hog tied him, gagged him, and left him in her barn for a few hours before. It was hilarious and no amount of whining from Eld could convince her otherwise. If he dserved it again (because he no doubt deserved it the first time, though for posterity's sake, they refrained from ever regarding that incident ever again), she was not against committing another war crime or two.