Still strolling through the shadows, part I

[Shin]

Still Strolling through the Shadows

There had been so much going on lately, Shin didn't understand most of it. It's not that he wasn't intelligent, only that his intelligence was for the field of battle not thickening plots and medical rooms. Nothing however made Shin more uncomfortable then the feeling of uselessness. In a fight he knew what he was supposed to do and where he was supposed to be, but sitting idle made him uneasy. Ever since he was a child his time had been filled with activities there was always something physical to be done.

It wouldn't take long for Shins thoughts to drift away and give to dreams, for his tensed posture to become more relaxed and his body to drift away into sleep.

Shin slept until someone came in to wake him up, it had been a while since he had the opportunity to sleep uninterrupted and he cherished every sleeping moment with pleasant dreams. Dreams he wouldn't remember when he woke, but that's the way it had been for Shin every since he was a child, he never remembered his dreams only his nightmares.

[Nayt]

"Shiden . . ."

Shin was disturbed from his sleep by the gruff, tired voice of the former purple enigma, and a light shove on the shoulder. The hospital room, comprising a simple hospital bed and a series of cabinets wrapping around the room, containing all sorts of medical devices in need of sterilization, was relatively small, and had light blue wallpaper wrapped about the room, coming undone at the seems. Fitting.

Tyrian Sturm stood before the hospital bed with a clipboard in hand, pencil in the other, and a small stack of papers set upon the board. He was still clad in his organization coat, but his underclothes were different--a red undershirt, casual--short sleeved, in fact, and a pair of dark denim jeans. He came equipped with a decent set of items, too: a stethoscope hung around his neck and a series of tools in the added front pocket of his coat. He had turned the signature coat of the purple enigma into a lab coat, pockets and all. Or, under particular uses, a doctor's coat.

What he didn't have was carried in a buttoned black bag by his "associate." The woman by Sturm's side was much shorter than he, and had phenomenally darker skin. Her skin was a dark gray in color, several shades from pure black, her eyes a dark red, barely discernible from black in the dark, her ears were elongated back from the top tip for quite a distance--a good three inches or so, and a small set of horns upon her forehead were barely visible under the tuft of her short, dark hair. Though she wore a white doctor's coat and had it buttoned up for modesty, it was impossible for her to hide her figure: thin, curvy, with a bust that caught the eyes of most men, regardless of her obvious difference in species. She was a woman Shin had met very briefly, face to face, right before his near fatal encounter with Icsorue, the pink enigma.

"Wake up . . ."

[Shin]

Shins sleep was to say in the least, deep. He hadn't heard the door open to his room at all he hadn't even heard the two approach the hospital bed he slept on and only vaguely heard Sturms gruff voice. He moaned something incomprehensible, his eye-lids fluttered for a brief moment as he slowly began to stir awake.

It wasn't until Sturm spoke to him a second time that he actually sat up. He rubbed the weariness from his eyes and gazed around the room, his facial expression showing that he was confused for a brief moment. The expression didn't change as he looked from Sturm to the girl at his side.

"I ... Know you." Shin, still waking up, couldn't place her face yet, but her unusual appearance wasn't one a person would easily forget.

He turned his attention back to Sturm his boyish face turning up a half-smile.

"You really like the color purple, don't you?"

Not expecting an answer to the question Shin gave a loud yawn and stretched his arms above his head. Now that he was up he was ready to go about the business at hand.

"Should we get started?"

[Nayt]

"You . . . do," the woman replied.

She was hesitant, though. The way she spoke suggested that she kind of wished that Shin didn't know, while at the same time, there was a bit of regret--possibly guilt for feeling that way. Nonetheless, she didn't say much more after that--not on her own, at least.

The former Prime Director of the guardians' organization didn't respond to the question about the color purple. Truthfully, he didn't know where Shin got that idea from. His coat was just like Shin's, only modified. It was black, leather, and had purple stitching throughout it--on seems and such. The only difference was that Sturm had the sleeves and hood removed, a modification that must have been made after he encountered Shin in Cizok, when Sturm hadn't modified his coat in the slightest. He stared at the paper before him. He had obtained a few bits of information about Shin last night, but he hadn't run a full physical or anything. That's why he was here, in any case.

"I'm going to need some information, to start off," Sturm stated as he prepared to jot down whatever Shin Shiden listed from the group of questions that Sturm read off: "I'm going to need your full name, age, birth date, height, average weight, and a list of your known allergies. If I have to make you a set of pain killers for any reason, I'd prefer to know if I should be substituting particular chemicals and/or herbs to avoid killing you."

[Shin]

"Pain killers?"

'Why in the world would I need pain killers?'

"Alright." Shin would verify any information that Sturm needed. Though, in the back of his mind, he kept wondering why he would need pain killers. He had used weeds to numb pain before, but that was only during extreme conditions, pain let a person know he was still alive.

"Shin Shiden..."

"Twenty Seven years old.." Which might have been hard to believe considering he didn't look much over nineteen.

"Five foot and six inches, One hundred and fourtyish pounds."

"December twenty fifth and as far as I know im not allergic to anything."

He spoke to Sturm but his eyes were back on the girl, not in the same way a man probably looked upon her, but he was focused on her face, his own light azure eyes staring into her red orbs. "I...just can't place it." He muttered to himself, upset that his memory was so bad, so many things had happened that he couldn't really be blamed.

"You were there when I was attacked by the Pink Enigma, yes?" Shin finally asked her inbetween Sturms questions.

[Nayt]

"Um . . . y-yes, I was there, too," the woman replied.

Sturm, assuming that this would simply make things easier on all of them, decided it was necessary to introduce the two of them. "Shiden, this is Usurii. Usurii, Shiden."

While Sturm jotted down preliminary notes based solely on Shin's responses, Usurii had to avoid talking much. It wasn't that she didn't like to talk to people . . . well, not entirely. She had trouble talking to people that she didn't know in particular, and that fed into her problem, here. The other problem was that she knew what Shin had done shortly before they met in Meridian. Shin had hurt someone pretty bad who really didn't deserve it in the slightest--the girl was sweet, too kind to ever deserve even an ounce of pain. What Shin had done then was deplorable, and Usurii was hard pressed not to start on him about it whenever she opened her mouth.

"All right. Stand up," Sturm stated as he stood back.

He held out his hand to Usurii, who provided him a role of measuring tape. Sturm had more to do than just this, however: checking Shin's heart-rate and weight were also necessary, both of which he'd proceed to look into after measuring his total height. This was all information he needed to know, at least if he was going to have a chart started for him--and if Shin was going to be there for awhile, Sturm wanted to have one.

[Shin]

"I remember you now. What happened to everyone else?" Shin wasn't really worried, just curious, after he and the Pink Enigma began fighting he lost track of them.

He would comply with whatever was asked of him. Standing from the table he stood to his full five and a half foot form, he wasn't very intimidating based solely on size. Actually he his frame had been compared to a females on more then one occasion. He was fit however, in the best shape of his life.

"I am a little nervous Sturm. I mean, I wonder how much of my life is missing? I wonder if it will change anything, if I'll be a different person afterward. You know what I mean?" Shin was nervous and excited all at once. Secretly he hoped that this would fix that empty hole inside of him, a piece he felt had been missing for as long as he could remember.

"How much longer do I have to wait?"

[Nayt]

". . . I don't know," Usurii replied quietly.

Sturm didn't pay much attention to that brief exchange, to which Usurii was quite thankful--unstated appreciation, that is. She didn't want to have to explain that all to Sturm, not right now. Not until she had personally decided how she was going to approach things . . . but that was an almost completely unrelated situation, and she wasn't going to give it much thought at the moment.

Likewise, Sturm didn't reply to Shin's concerns. He was busy taking notes and checking the various requirements for a full physical, which he generally required of "patients," people that were going to be under his care for a semi-lengthy time, like the Ersatzshad. Sturm was a good doctor, too, so it wasn't like Shin was not in capable hands; in fact, if he retained injury or illness, Shin Shiden currently had one of the best doctors on hand in the known world; he certainly would never consider himself the best, but he was amongst the greatest in this field--capable of anything, really. General health, pharmaceuticals, health sciences, nerves, bloodflow, gynecology, herbal medicines, surgeries--he was a master at so many medical abilities that he could run a one man clinic.

"All right. Have a seat, now," Sturm stated, "I'll leave the two of you alone for this."

Whilst writing more notes, Sturm left the room, closing the door behind him--leaving Shin in the same room with Usurii. Usurii waited for a moment until she was certain that Sturm was beyond hearing distance. She could still hear him walking away, albeit faint.

"You'll be okay," she then assured Shin, putting aside her reluctance to help him, "Just relax for now."

[Shin]

The fact that Sturm didn't reply to Shins concerns only confirmed to him that the man was keeping this professional. Shin didn't expect him to understand anyways. In his rare moments of what he called 'weakness' Shin often thought about things that wouldn't normally cross his mind, looking deep inside himself and more often then not finding things he was ashamed of or didn't wish to remember. Which only forced him to revert back to his normal stand-offish nature.

Shin sat on the medical bed letting out a deep breath when Sturm left the room. It was obvious that Shin was currently vulnerable, he sat crouched a palm positioned to hold his head up with the elbow balancing on a knee, his eyes remained on the ground and he had a generally concerned look on his face.

"How did I loose my memory in the first place?" He asked out loud, but it was purely a rhetorical question.

"Thanks. I guess we should get this over with..." He said reluctantly. "I am ready when you are."

[Nayt]

"Well . . . first, I need to just look at them," replied Usurii hesitantly.

Usurii stepped closed to him, lifting her right hand. He wasn't going to feel a thing--he wasn't going to notice a thing. But she stopped eventually, before she had the chance to set her hand upon Shin's head. Physical contact was the easiest way for her to examine memories, but she didn't feel ready to touch Shin's--not yet.

"Your memories. There are a lot of them," Usurii whispered, "I need to know what's repressed and what's not, first . . ."

She hesitated again, not yet ready to place her hand upon Shin's forehead. Something told her that she didn't want to see his memories. Likewise, she was consciously afraid of what he might do. He had hurt Mimi just for running away from him--what would he do to her for invading his personal space so harshly? Memories were extremely important, not just because of issues of privacy, but because everyone had something in their life that they had done that they weren't proud of, and only they knew about it--and no one wanted others to be aware. For a person to look through every memory would be like reading a fully unabridged biography, all of the good and all of the bad included--people that were hurt, relationships, awkward sexuality during teenage years, deaths in the family, loss of friends, mental anguish since traveled beyond . . . all of it. Every second of the person's life, from birth to present.

Shin hit Mimi hard enough to knock her out just for running from him. What would he do to Usurii if she invaded something that personal? Snap her neck? She had to be careful around someone like him--around someone who was indisputably the loosest of all cannons. The way she stared at him suggested that she was asking for his permission to look into his past thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Her Master had asked her to do this, so she was going to--one way or another. She just had to be cautious.

[Shin]

"Alright." He nodded, closing his eyes as if to experience some sort of flash, something to indicate that Usurii had started. When nothing happened for a few seconds he opened one eye. She hesitated. Was there some sort of danger to Shin that he wasn't aware of?

The thought never occurred to him that he would be a book sort to speak, open for her to read. There would be things in his memory that would no doubt frighten her. From the early training of his father, his drowning as a child, the pre-arranged marriage, his training with the monks of death that taught him how to harness his chi and how to kill with it, challenging his father and even meeting Eri. That would only be the beginning. From there things would only get worse living a life as a mercenary, killing whomever he was paid to and taking joy in it Usurii would see how he had become the Tenken once she started. His meeting with the Purple Enigma, killing the other Enigmas...all of those memories would be a jumble to Shin, unsorted, all that had happened so fast he didn't completely understand it and hadn't taken the time to sort it out.

Everything, even the memories he didn't know he had, would lead up to his meeting with Zach Kaiser and from there a slow progression, albeit a slow one, to what one would deem a slightly less evil life. If she could feel emotions and not just see memories anger would be foremost and strongest emotion felt. Unless it had to do with his mother, then what could only be described as love would be felt, everything else would just be a jumble of confusion and uncertainty. It was pathetic really, self pity and depression would become stronger the further along in his life he got, all of which only fueled his anger.

"Go ahead." He said with a smile. At the moment Shin was as docile as a kitten, he had no thoughts of striking out or hurting anyone. But Shin was an storm of emotions, Usurii apparently understood this even though Shin didn't.

[Nayt]

"Okay . . ." she nodded.

Even though he had basically given her permission, Usurii was still extremely cautious. It was all with good reason, she felt, because a man who'd harm a child probably didn't have the scruples to keep himself from attacking her even though he had given her permission to peek into his memories . . .

Starting from birth was the most efficient way to go about this process, but she had particular memories in mind, and they were far beyond the point of birth. Usurii knew which memory preceded that which had been repressed, and it wasn't that distant. Getting there, though, was essentially a backwards development, starting from just a few seconds ago and rewinding back with each second, from the now to when he walked through the shadows with Brenden, to their meeting, and back even more.

All the while, Shin would feel absolutely nothing--no flashes of memories, no odd colors, sounds, or distortion of his reality, nothing out of the ordinary in the slightest. Usurii's work could go entirely without notice, and those that were aware of this had it in their right minds to be weary of her.

There was a point that she stopped, though, and removed her hand from Shin's forehead. She had witnessed something she had rather not witness--something awful, something shocking. Usurii had not gone back far enough to see Shin's deeds as a mercenary, or what his time was like with "Eri Tetsuken," or when he effectively killed her unborn child some time afterward. No, it was the enigmas that she saw, and she did not gloss over those memories. She had watched them all from start to finish, when Shin "met" Sturm through all the battles, to Silver's involvement--all of it. Especially those that Shin Shiden had killed.

Sturm had never explained to her how the other enigmas that had allied with him died, or who had done them in. She only knew that they had perished in some sort of battle, presumably against the true enemy that Sturm fought against. Now she knew . . . and the most she could feel about it was absolute confusion.

"Y-you . . . you're the one who . . ." Usurii whispered in shock as she backed away from him, ". . . Emitt . . . and Desmon--y-you're the one that . . ."

Truth be told, Usurii never had the opportunity to get especially close to her Master's colleagues. She had conversed with them a couple of times, but that was all. At best, they were acquaintances of hers, nowhere near as close to her as someone like Tehnos was--someone in her life that had also perished in battle. Because of this, she didn't feel particularly destroyed by the revelation, but she was still saddened by it. Though she only knew them scarcely, her Master's colleagues seemed like such nice people.

Usurii didn't noticed she had been backing up from Shin until she felt her back against the wall. She stared at the floor, one hand covering her mouth, the other flat against the wall. She had figured that Shin was a relatively unkind person, capable of hurting a child without conscience, and thought he would be no better than the Gartel that they--the Ersatzshad--tried to avoid at all costs. She hadn't guessed that he mercilessly slew Sturm's men, which was especially surprising because he was here in Sturm's facility, an ally! Usurii couldn't understand this. Shouldn't this man be her Master's enemy . . . and her enemy, as well?

"Why?" she whispered again, a touch of sadness added to her shock, "Why would Master bring you here, after that . . .? Y-you killed . . . you killed his allies a-and . . . and the few he trusted--why would he bring you here? Why would he take you in as some sort of ally? Why . . .?"

[Shin]

Shin had his eyes closed, a reflex to someone touch his head. However, when nothing happened he opened them and studied Eri's facial expressions. He stayed quiet during the process of her going through his memories, he assumed it would take all of her concentration.

'If she can unlock them, then can she hide them? Or even alter them?'

Shin thought of this only after she started, could she read his thoughts while he thought them? All of a sudden everything seemed to take on a shade of gray to Shin, was there another purpose beyond her unlocking his memories? Lost in thought he didn't register Usurii removing her hand until she began to walk away, looking at him.

"What is..."

The names didn't mean anything to Shin, he merely stared blankly at her.

"I have killed many." He admitted. "And names mean little to me, if I harmed someone you know I am sorry for your lose." He didn't want to be so cold hearted about it, but it was the only way he knew how to respond to his past it was also much easier then trying to think about how he 'should' feel and simply respond with no emotion, like his father had taught him.

"Are you done already?

[Nayt]

He didn't . . . even remember their names? Sure, she wasn't particularly close to the other enigmas, but she had been fond of them, despite the short time in which she knew them. She, personally, was put off by this--by Shin not even remembering their names! How cruel--how sick!

"Their names!" she found herself shouting at him. "You haven't forgotten them . . . it wasn't repressed--not in the least! There's no reason you could have forgotten the enigmas . . ."

She knew it was risky to yell at Shin, but she felt compelled . . . driven to shout at him. What kind of monster was he? He wasn't the type of man who would have worked for Sturm--not at all. She knew them as men of morals, people who actually gave a shit about the lives of others!

Usurii herself wasn't an idealist. She was devoted to her Master--and that, she felt, was all. She had people she was fond of, and did all she could for them, but her all was devoted to the one who breathed life into her . . . and even then, despite the very fact that she believed that she lived only for her Master's sake alone, she felt herself angered by the notion that someone could forget the name and face of a person he had killed. Shin had only killed a two of them, and Exitus the other, but those three deaths were vitally important to what was happening now. It had set Sturm back nearly six months . . .

"Exitus, Emitt, Desmon, and Davon . . . the azure, brown, yellow, and green enigmas," Usurii took in a deep breath, "You can't have forgotten them . . ."

[Shin]

Shin was slightly at shock when Usurii began yelling at him, at first he sat there mouth wide open and eyes wide. But as soon as she mentioned the name Exitus his face locked into a scowl and he sat a little straighter, but didn't come off the bed. Exitus was a dear friends to him, perhaps the only person he could truly trust a person who understood exactly what he was going through.

Shin did remember something then and it brought a twisted smile to his face.

"Forgotten them? I was one...perhaps you didn't go back far enough Usurii." He tried to stay calm while talking but it was hard to not spit her name like venom.

"They were sent like lambs to the slaughter, Exitus told me that. Ordered to fight and die by my blade so I could become some sort of knight. They were warriors, men of honor and new all to well the dangers of combat!"

"Tell me Usurii, have you killed a person? Do you know what it's like?" He didn't think she had, she seemed to innocent and to pure a person to have ever done anything like that.